


Irreparable

by justanorthernlight



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Past Torture, Spoilers for Matryoshka and Head of the Snake, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6665032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanorthernlight/pseuds/justanorthernlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time since joining NCIS G Callen got his annual psych eval in ahead of schedule.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irreparable

The summons came early in the morning, before the rest of the team arrived. A call that broke through the early morning stillness of the bullpen, a crooked finger and an impassive stare. It was the only time that month G had been in the bullpen alone, usually carpooling with or been beaten by Sam. He’s honestly surprised it took this long.

He sat in the small chair across from Hetty’s desk. She poured him tea in one of her delicate and expensive porcelain cups and waited until he took a sip to pass the paper silently across to him. He juggled cup and saucer to read it, and set the paper back on her desk with a raised eyebrow. In a hostile interrogation silence was a powerful tool. In the end, she broke first.

“You are aware that I am going to call Dr. Getz in next month for the team’s annual mental health checkups?” She asked.

“Of course.” Callen replied. “But I was in the San Diego field office a few months ago and decided to get it done there. Dr. Aarons has the qualifications and the clearance for it, and had the time to fit me in.”

Somehow during the course of that session the fact that his last shrink had waterboarded him hadn’t come up.

“I never figured you for the type to hold a grudge, Mr. Callen.”

It wasn’t a question and G didn’t reply. He met Hetty’s gaze calmly and sipped his tea. After several minutes of silence he finished it and set the cup on the desk. Hetty stared at it a moment, the sighed.

“Ah, hell. Nate screwed up. Are you going to hold that against him for the rest of his life?”

“No. We all screw up sooner or later, and Nate is a friend and an important part of this team. ”

“But?”

“Are you questioning Dr. Aarons’ qualifications?” G asked, sharper than he intended.

“I’m questioning whether there is a problem with team unity, and whether or not I need to step in to resolve it.”

G worked his jaw silently for a moment, summoning the words. Or the strength to say the words. He’d mentally rehearsed them enough times over the past few weeks since he’d made the decision. “Look, I don’t care that he waterboarded me.” He studiously ignored the absurdity of such a statement, true though it was. His unusual relationship with pain was not the point of this discussion. “I had planned on talking to Nate after I got back from Russia. The thing is, I only told two people my full name. Sam, and you.”

“And now you’re angry that he used it against you.” Hetty murmured.

“No.” He stopped. “Well, yes, but that’s the secondary problem. I’m angry that you told him. That you didn’t allow me to do it myself.”

“It was relevant to your mental state and ability to lead this team, which is relevant to his job at team psychologist.” She replied. “Frankly, I’m surprised you were considering reaching out to him on your own.”

“Yeah, well, emotional progress and all that.” He grinned bitterly.

“One step forward, two steps back?”

G shrugged.

“Dr. Aarons doesn’t have the relationship with you that Nate does.”

“Are you questioning his qualifications?” G asked again.

Hetty shrugged. “I’m questioning his effectiveness- no slight to him intended. You’ve been running circles around any authority figure who tried to figure you out since you were a child. In fact, giving people the wrong impression of you is the very nature of your job. Dr. Aarons doesn’t stand a chance against that if he sees you only once a year.”

G shook his head. “You know, after he was moved to field work Nate was worried about me not having anyone to talk to when he wasn’t around.”

“He wasn’t the only one.”

“I do too talk to people.” G said flatly. “When I feel like it.”

“And who do you go to if it’s something you can’t talk to Sam about?” Hetty asked. “Sam has Michelle, and other people outside this office.”

G shrugged. “I’ll get by. I always have.”

“And having Nate around to talk to didn’t improve things over the past few years?”

The kicker was that it _had._ “What if it hadn’t been me?” He asked. “What if I weren’t here and he’d taken Sam, used his family against him. So long as Nate is in the field it’s a security risk, a conflict of interest. There are some lines we don’t cross. Even undercover. Even with each other.” Especially with each other. When lying to the entire world, it was vital to have someone to share the truth with. G knew that, had come to appreciate the eased burden of a secret shared.

G heard the door open, Kensi and Deeks’ voices drifted down the hall, laughing and bickering. G waited. Hetty picked up the paper and stuck it back in a drawer.

“You’d better get back to work, Mr. Callen.”

G did, and a month later when Nate showed up he didn’t try to get G alone. After a horrifically long day involving explosions and shootouts, G invited him out for a beer. They drank on the beach and talked in vague terms about ops that had gone bad. G drove him home and when Nate got out of the car he hesitated.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I wish...”

“I know.” G replied. “Maybe next year.” 


End file.
